susiehomemaker

Well. I have been slack on the blogging front haven't I? My excuse? My marriage is over, so I have been a tad busy and stressed lol. Things have been tense and unpleasant for a long time. Some friends had no idea, some have seen it coming a long time and declared it inevitable. But for better or worse (and I certainly hope for the better) it is done. We are still to sell our home. And unfortunately I cannot move until it is sold. Quite frankly I would prefer a fresh start to be starting right now. It feels like a queasy sort of limbo to still be here. But it is pleasant to be living without the tension and fighting. I am looking forward to finding myself. I am looking forward to evenings where I am not dreading the sound of his car pulling up and not knowing what sort of mood he is going to be in. I am looking forward to not living with the feeling of a storm building over weeks, never know when it is going to crash and boom all over me over something stupid and minor. But knowing it certainly will happen....

So far (a little over a month now) I am enjoying the solitude. I have my gorgeous kiddies, I no longer have to cook ridiculously portioned stodgy meals or wash his smelly clothes which would be strewn all over the house. When I clean, it stays that way for more than half an hour :P I am doing yoga in the mornings and meditation in the evenings. I can spend entire days without turning the blaring TV on. There are sad moments of course. No one wants the marriage, they went into with such high hopes, to crumble to dust. But I am not missing him as such, just wishing I had married a better person who would have loved me for me, who would have been my friend and a source of comfort these past 3 very hard years. And who I would not be divorcing. Who would be enjoying our children as much as I do..... I don't think what I want in a partner is asking too much. I just want someone who will be my friend and who thinks I am worth being with and who doesn't expect me to do all the work in every sense. Oh, and someone with a good sense of humour too :P I do like to laugh!

Dear little H is doing well, he is 3 and a half months old now. He smiles the cheekiest smiles and is rolling REALLY FAST everywhere lol. He keeps rolling under the Christmas tree lol... my gorgeous Christmas gift! He is still feeding like a fiend, and I love the way his hands search for mine as he feeds to sleep.... He holds on tight with a vice-like grip with one hand, and cuddles around with the other. He likes me to stroke his forehead too, which can be awkward even when feeding laying down lol. But his little noggin is so velvety soft I usually manage it :)

LM is doing well too, graduated Kindy last week! My little baby girl is off to school next year. She is a bit emotional with everything that has been going on, but tells me she is happy living with just H and I. I hope that much is true....

Ho Hum, off to bathe the kiddies and start the bedtime routines.