Mmmmmm.... delicious baked beans...

Cooking - Herb and Garlic Croutons, roasting pumpkin & garlic for tonights soup & also some lamb stock on the boil for tomorrow nights dinner....
Reading - The Thyroid Diet http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/book/9780007211838/The-Thyroid-Diet Interesting book, and food for thought. Also reading this blog http://mollysthyroidjourney.blogspot.com/?spref=fb which has prompted the re-reading of the above book.
Crafting - Finally learnt to crochet! So crocheting granny squares for a belly~dweller blanket.
Contemplating - Going gluten free....

In our home we try to eat all organic. We also have no foods in the house containing preservatives/additives/colourings etc etc etc. They effect LM REALLY badly. Esp Barley Malt Extract (It is in SO many things... didn't realise how many until we cut it out about 8 months ago. It is also in organic foods. The processing to become BME actually produces and MSG which explains the night waking a mood swings :/) which has her waking up to 10 times a night needing to be resettled. The other stuff doesn't help in that respect either, and also makes her grumpy and emotional as all get out. It is like Jekyll and Hyde. The tantrums start, the tears start, the sleeping stops... it is alllll bad and lasts for days. So I make all our meals/snacks etc from scratch, to ensure there are no nasties in it. This has also had a positive effect on TH, he has gone from needing his asthma puffer at least 3 times a week, to needing it max 3 times a year. He needs it so little, that when he DOES need it, he can rarely find it because it has been so long since he has used it. Which would be funny if it where not for the fact he needs the thing to breathe lol...

The other night I made baked beans from scratch for the first time. Without a recipe, I just winged it. They turned out so well I thought I would share the recipe... LM loves baked beans, but the prepackaged variety REALLY doesn't agree with her. So it has been a long time since she had any. Which is very slack of me. Is there anything more simple/cheap/nutritious than a delicious bowl of baked beans?

Baked Beans

Ingredients....

2 Cans of organic tomato's, blitzed in the blender
1 Organic brown onion, finely diced
1 Can organic kidney beans
1 Can organic cannellini beans
Pinch of salt
Pinch of sweet paprika
Tsp Cumin
Tsp Sugar
Oil of choice...

Method....

1.) Brown finely diced onion in oil in your saucepan until translucent
2.) To the onion's, add the paprika and cumin and fry, stirring, for a minute or 2 (releases the delicious aroma's)
3.) Add the blitzed tomato's to the saucepan, with a little water, pinch of salt, tsp sugar (this helps break down the tomato's. Lemon juice could also be used if you don't want the added sugar) and simmer for at least 20 minutes. Not sure how long I cooked it for tbh... I cook by smell and how it looks. A very aquarian trait I am told lol...
4.) Once the tomato mix is cooked to how you like it, add the drained and rinsed beans and heat through.

I served these with potato's in their jackets, topped with grated organic cheddar. So yummy! Would be delicious with your choice of crusty bread also. My favourite is organic ciabatta (toasted under the grill, with garlic olive oil brushed over it) You could also sub whatever beans are your favourite, or whatever you have to hand :)

Enjoy!

Coconut Macaroons.....

The other night I was craving sweets, and there was nothing in the house... wheat is giving me indigestion, thanks to the belly~dweller, so I went in search of a yummy easy recipe that was wheat free and for which I had all the ingredients... and found these!

Coconut Macaroons

Preparation Time
10 minutes

Cooking Time
15 minutes

Ingredients (serves 10)
195g (3 cups) shredded coconut
4 egg whites, at room temperature
1/4 tsp salt
170g (3/4 cup) caster sugar
2 tsp vanilla essence


Method
1) Preheat oven to 170°C. Line 3 large baking trays with non-stick baking paper. Spread the coconut over 2 of the trays and cook in preheated oven, tossing occasionally, for 3-4 minutes or until lightly toasted. Transfer to a plate.
2) Use electric beaters to whisk the egg whites and salt together in a large, clean, dry bowl until soft peaks form. Add the sugar a spoonful at a time, whisking well after each addition. Whisk for a further 2 minutes or until mixture is thick and glossy.
3) Add the vanilla essence and whisk to combine. Add the toasted coconut and use a large metal spoon to fold in until just combined.
4) Spoon tablespoonsful of mixture onto lined trays, leaving about 2cm between each. Bake in preheated oven, swapping trays halfway through cooking, for 12-15 minutes or until light golden and firm. Set aside for 5 minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely. Transfer to an airtight container.

So very delicious! I quartered the recipe, as it was late at night and only TH and I where up. Luckily I did that, as TH fell asleep. So I had to eat the whole batch alone ;) Lovely and crispy on the outside, and chewy on the inside... just the way I like them!

I have just made a 1/2 batch for LM and I to consume, they are cooling now as I type, so I am off now to eat some more nom-ishness!

Recipe CO http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/11362/coconut%20macaroons

Craft Swap.....

Cooking - Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup

Reading - Well, flicking through the softies pattern book :P

Sewing - Nothing now :)

Contemplating - Quilt for Belly~Boy, Casting on the last bowl for B~B's felted nesting bowls.

The last few days I have been busy at my machine making some sweet little things for a craft swap. I was fortunate enough to be sewing for a little girly belly~dweller, so much fun has been had!

Sweet Tweet Mobile....

Hand Dyed Muslin....

Bib and Matching Booties...

I hope my recipient likes her items!

I received my swap the other day, I absolutely adore it.... My little guy is so spoilt, he will be extra squishy in these beautiful woolies!

Crazy Doggles....

Cooking - Chicken stock in the slow cooker....
Reading - Recipe For a Perfect Marriage (ps- not a guide, a work of fiction lol... peppered with good recipe's too!)
Sewing - Finishing up my items for a craft swap. Just found out the recipient is having a baby girl, so some extra sewing is in order!
Contemplating - Sewing a quilt for the Belly~Dweller.....

About 8 months ago, we bought a little Cavalier Puppy. He drives us insane... chews everything, barks at everything. But he is such a patient loving little soul at the same time. Finally after 8 months he is finally going to his bed on command at night time, and sleeping through the night :P He was like having a baby around. So much so that DH would sit up with him O nights, and transfer him to his bed after he was asleep lol.

He is always getting into mischief. A few weeks ago I came home from dropping DD at kindy to find a crazy dog careening around the house with his head firmly wedged in a box of liver treats... Not just a little box, mind you. A family sized pack. He had eaten the whole box full! And then couldn't remove the box from his head lol.... I laughed so hard I thought I was going to burst!

As you can see from the photo's, he was mighty pleased with himself! He recovered unscathed, although he didn't fancy any dinner that night :P We love having his comical little body around the house, even when he drives us crazy!

lol... very sporadic blogger am I!

So much has happened since my last post.... after loosing it in my gp's office over our fertility woe's in November and finally being referred to a fertility specialist in early December we found I am suffering from Polycystic Ovary Disorder. Which was basically stopping me from ovulating. Which is why I was not falling pregnant. One visit was all it took to find that out.... after 2.5 years of heartache, we finally had a reason and an answer. The relief was unbelievable. I walked out of that office with such a weight lifted from my shoulders. We had a plan of attack, I was to start on clomid to stimulate ovulation next cycle. Little did I know, a small person had already decided to make their very timely entrance into our lives.... 2 weeks after our appointment I was still waiting for my cycle to begin. I was feeling a little off.... nothing horrendous, just a few small food aversions and a little twinge in my back that wasn't usually there when I wear my girl on my back in our wraps. I tested. I got a negative. My cycle still had not arrived 2 days later.... still feeling not quite right, I tested again. Again it was negative. I was so upset. If my period was going to go missing in action for a couple of months for no good reason I was just going to loose it.... finally we knew what was wrong, and I was eager to start the clomid and our journey towards our next beloved child. Finally on Sunday, still late, I finally got the faintest BFP. I stood in the shower, under the water, shaking. And cried. Please, please let this be a positive positive and not a false positive.... I got out of the shower and sat on the bed in shock. I just kept looking at the test with tears in my eye's. It was too good to be true.... and it was just so faint. I woke DH so he could look at it too. He, too, could see the very faint line. I tested again the following day, the following day produced the same result. So I went to the pharmacy and bought a digital test. PREGNANT!

Morning sickness kicked in around 6-7 weeks. It knocked me for 6. But I was thankful every day. The days where I felt well where troubling. I preferred to feel sick, if I felt sick, I felt he was safe. My first craving was for cranberry juice with a squeeze of lime. I craved potato's. And asparagus with butter and lime juice. Bacon and egg muffins. And Macca's pancakes, weetbix and tons of milk, just like I did when I was pregnant with our daughter. I craved beer, and burgers and sausage rolls. My aversion to sugar last pregnancy had me convinced that the baby we lost was a boy. And that I was carrying a girl this time. I was so convinced! And then at the 19 week scan, the sonographer thought it was a girl too, until she was sure it was a boy lol.... a gorgeous little boy. It felt weird for a couple of days, not in a bad way though lol. Just because I was so sure he was a she. The weirdness has well and truly worn off now though heh heh. I just can't wait to meet him, to learn all about him, to cuddle and snuggle him. We have waited so long for this new little person.

Now I sit here, 22 weeks pregnant, feeling my little man roll around inside of me. It still seems to surreal.... after all this time, it still feels like it is all in my head. But his knock-knocking is telling me otherwise. He is getting bigger and stronger every day. I cannot wait to meet him :) Every little movement I feel makes me smile, even the kicks in the ribs I am already receiving lol.

Last Tuesday, DD & DH both felt him kick for the first time :) Such a special morning, they where both rapt! He also kicked DD in the bottom while I was spooning her lol.... sibling rivalry from the womb!

Yesterday, while DD was at Kindy, I lay on the lounge, and for the first time with this pregnancy I watched my belly wobble and roll as our little guy moved about :) I lay on the lounge talking to him and watching for as long as he went :) I love being pregnant! It is so cool.... worth all the faintness and blergh-ness to feel that special little person growing and rolling about within. I love going to bed at night and feeling him snuggle down with me. I love the waiting... only another 18 or so weeks to go now. He will be here before we know it!

In another 18 weeks I will have to share myself between 2 children.... I have made a promise to myself today to make the most of these remaining weeks with our daughter and make every moment count. To do something special, just the 2 of us, once a week, which we can hopefully pick up again after the baby is here. And to take time to create some special rituals between us that we can carry on after her little brother arrives.

I can see our little girl is excited but trepidatious over the imminent arrival of her baby brother. She has wanted a baby brother or sister for so long, but now it is definitely happening you can see her wondering how this is going to change things. She will have had us to herself for almost 5 years. The thought of sharing, which comes so naturally to her with her generous spirit, is still worrying her I can see. But at the same time she smiles, and talks about how excited she is about seeing her baby brother born, and how she can't wait to meet him. She kisses my belly, and talks to him. She wants for him to know her little voice. She waits patiently, her small hand on my growing belly, for another kick. She wants me to read her "Hello Baby" for the millionth time and asks a million more questions lol... I know she is going to be a wonderful big sister in spite of her small worries which no doubt seem so big to her. This little boy could not have asked for a better big sister. He is a lucky lucky boy :)

We where fortunate to get our sweet girl into Kindy this year, in preparation for prep next year. I had not intended for her to go to Kindy until at least mid year, but with all the morning sickness I thought it might do her some good to get out and about with other children as I was not up to my usual standard of DD entertainment. We where so lucky to get her a place. I was worried that she wouldn't like it, she has never been in any sort of care. But apparently we timed it well, as she has slipped into Kindy life without a backwards glance. Not one tear. Not even a frown. She has loved it from the first day! The kindy runs on regular school hours, and has school holidays too, which is fantastic. I have never been a fan of the idea of long hour daycares, and especially not of sending children to daycares without any sort of breaks in between. By the easter holidays she needed a break badly. Playbased learning, which was another of my prerequisites. Healthy lunchbox policy is a bonus too :) Nice to be able to send healthy lunches without looking like the random hippie :P

Our little guy is kicking again. Apparently I have been sitting here too long lol.... goodnight all :)

Cooking - Organic Roast Chicken with lemon, herb and onion stuffing....

Reading - http://www.towards-sustainability.com/ (my favourite blog...)

Sewing - Wipes, Kiddies Mei Tai's, Library Bag

Contemplating - Adv Dip in Homeopathy.... and how fast I can start.....

This morning LM and I took our usual trip to the organic farmers markets to do our usual weekly shop. I love our Sunday morning ritual! We do our shopping (bread, fruit and veg, dairy etc) and then take the opportunity to wander around the sustainable/permaculture/organic community gardens. There is always much to see, different vegies growing, random fruit tree's sprouting, free clay painting for the children and the chickens too feed. LM just LOVES feeding the chickens, each week she spends a small portion of her pocket money and buys a small bunch of grapes to take over to the chicken enclosures! There is a particularly large but beautiful rooster who is terribly greedy and a bit of a bully, so LM quite enjoys putting him in his place by moving around and seeing the smaller quieter hens get their fair share of the goodies :) Last week she failed in her endeavours- the rooster managed to grab half of the bunch! Cheeky devil....

This week we had a home birth in the form of a caterpillar named Jerrywell who emerged from his cocoon, not as a butterfly, but as a rather spectacular moth!

LM very much enjoyed bringing up our little friend, and we where all very excited to set him free once he had dried his wings :)

Mmmmm.... lemon marmalade...

Today I am making lemon marmalade, our tree is groaning with fruit and when I saw this recipe on my favourite blog http://www.towards-sustainability.com/2009/05/microwave-lemon-marmalade.html I had to give it a whirl. I have it on the stove top as I type, as I am not keen on microwaves.... I have just put it in a jar- it made lots! Tastes fabulous so far, should be beautiful on a piece of crusty sourdough toast.

I have neglected this blog for a shameful length of time... time has gotten away from me. First I was feeling discouraged as we where trying to conceive another child and it was getting me down, then we finally DID conceive our little blessing in November (a year of trying...) Then morning sickness followed by a miscarriage in January and our little blessing was no more :(

We had been trying for so long, I had given up. I was not even going to test. And then our little 3 year old daughter touches my hand and says "Mummy, you are going to have a baby" So I tested that night, and sure enough we where. I was so happy, finally we where going to have another little person to nurture and watch grow. I told our daughter the next morning, she was so excited! She spent all her time telling everyone about the baby, and talking to my tummy and giving the baby kisses, and planning all the things she was going to help with. Having to tell her that our baby was no more was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do... her face crumpled, she cried so hard. 4 months on and she is still sad about it. About 2 weeks after we lost our little angel she was still very upset, I tried to placate her by saying hopefully we would have another baby soon. When she replied "I don't want another baby, I want OUR baby back" it broke my heart... people underestimate children. She knew our little baby was a one off individual that cannot be replaced. She gets what so many other people do not understand. We comfort each other, but I grieve twice. Once for me and again for her....

This has, however, been a journey and every journey has it's lessons. This journey has taught me to trust my own body and my instincts. I declined a D&C, and I am so glad I did. The last thing I needed was to have my baby whisked away from me and treated as though it where nothing. I had some acupuncture and chinese herbs instead to help the process along naturally, it worked, our small person came away into my hands the following morning. So small, so tiny, so perfect. No bigger than the nail on my pinky finger..... I wrapped our little baby in some of our daughters bunny rug from when she was a wee one, to keep them warm and loved. I then buried our loved one in a special pot and planted over him/her a beautiful jade tree, so we never have to leave him/her behind if we move. I could not bear it.

The placenta came away the following day, I am thankful I was at my parents house and that my Mum was there. After the placenta came I was quite woozy and very grateful to be with my Mum who bundled me up on the lounge with a blanket, a cup of tea, toast and Poirot on the telly so I could rest and then sleep. The placenta is in my freezer awaiting burial on what was estimated to be our birthing day.

I have learnt that to assume you know how anyone else feels in grief is an arrogant assumption.... I could not even imagine how I have felt in this grief, let alone how another person feels in theirs.

I have learnt not to offer platitudes, but to listen instead and validate peoples feelings.

I have learnt not to underestimate a child's comprehension of life and the depth of their feelings.

I have learnt that I do not want to go to hospital for my next birth (god willing) and have decided to birth at home with a midwife. I do not want to go to a place where my wishes are not respected and where I am just another number. This is the right decision for me. My birth with our daughter was cut short for no good reason, the doctor even admitted she made the wrong call when she decided I needed a cesarean. The hospital stay was awful, our daughter was not truly my own until we came home a week later.... I want that from the start next time.

I hope our wait is not a long one.