365 Reasons to be Grateful

#1 Gumboots on rainy days.....

New Years Resolutions....

* Spend less time online...
* Sell the house and start afresh
* Fill my home with good friends, laughter and good times :)
* Yoga in the mornings
* Meditation in the evenings
* Eat healthier - no more sugar or overly processed grains
* Simplify life
* Continue to cull the things I don't need and live a more spartan life
* Read more books (if anyone is reading this, please recommend me some books! I have Eat, Pray, Love and Wuthering Heights on the way....)
* Begin some form of study... still trying to decide what. Aiming for mid year intake
* Be less lazy with the housework
* Enjoy life!

I am also participating in the 365 Reasons To Be Grateful challenge http://www.youcantbeserious.com.au/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/grateful.pdf
So stay tuned....

Well. I have been slack on the blogging front haven't I? My excuse? My marriage is over, so I have been a tad busy and stressed lol. Things have been tense and unpleasant for a long time. Some friends had no idea, some have seen it coming a long time and declared it inevitable. But for better or worse (and I certainly hope for the better) it is done. We are still to sell our home. And unfortunately I cannot move until it is sold. Quite frankly I would prefer a fresh start to be starting right now. It feels like a queasy sort of limbo to still be here. But it is pleasant to be living without the tension and fighting. I am looking forward to finding myself. I am looking forward to evenings where I am not dreading the sound of his car pulling up and not knowing what sort of mood he is going to be in. I am looking forward to not living with the feeling of a storm building over weeks, never know when it is going to crash and boom all over me over something stupid and minor. But knowing it certainly will happen....

So far (a little over a month now) I am enjoying the solitude. I have my gorgeous kiddies, I no longer have to cook ridiculously portioned stodgy meals or wash his smelly clothes which would be strewn all over the house. When I clean, it stays that way for more than half an hour :P I am doing yoga in the mornings and meditation in the evenings. I can spend entire days without turning the blaring TV on. There are sad moments of course. No one wants the marriage, they went into with such high hopes, to crumble to dust. But I am not missing him as such, just wishing I had married a better person who would have loved me for me, who would have been my friend and a source of comfort these past 3 very hard years. And who I would not be divorcing. Who would be enjoying our children as much as I do..... I don't think what I want in a partner is asking too much. I just want someone who will be my friend and who thinks I am worth being with and who doesn't expect me to do all the work in every sense. Oh, and someone with a good sense of humour too :P I do like to laugh!

Dear little H is doing well, he is 3 and a half months old now. He smiles the cheekiest smiles and is rolling REALLY FAST everywhere lol. He keeps rolling under the Christmas tree lol... my gorgeous Christmas gift! He is still feeding like a fiend, and I love the way his hands search for mine as he feeds to sleep.... He holds on tight with a vice-like grip with one hand, and cuddles around with the other. He likes me to stroke his forehead too, which can be awkward even when feeding laying down lol. But his little noggin is so velvety soft I usually manage it :)

LM is doing well too, graduated Kindy last week! My little baby girl is off to school next year. She is a bit emotional with everything that has been going on, but tells me she is happy living with just H and I. I hope that much is true....

Ho Hum, off to bathe the kiddies and start the bedtime routines.

Gorgeous handmade bag give away from a gorgeous and talented woman!

http://howieandcharlie.blogspot.com/2010/12/giveaway-time.html

Go and check out her lovely blog ;) She totally rock's and I cannot wait to receive the custom I have ordered!

Awesome parenting book....

The book above (which you can find here http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/book/9780880105668/Heaven-on-Earth) is hands down the best parenting book I have ever read. My beautiful Mum gave it to me as a gift at my blessingway. It is full of commonsense parenting idea's to give your children purpose. It focuses on creating ritual throughout your day and throughout your year to give your children a sense of calm and joy. All simple idea's, all focusing on less being more. It is so well written, and absolute joy to read. In a world full of pressure to make sure your children are learning, learning, learning, and that you must give your children more, more, MORE, this book is like a breath of fresh air. It is a guide on how to let your children just BE and focuses on doing not having. It is everything I have come to feel is important in our parenting journey, rolled into one fantastic guide.

Perfect reading for the lovely weather we are experiencing today, while Mr H is asleep in his hammock....

6 Weeks Old, How Time Does Fly!

Our little man is 6 weeks old today :) He is chatting, and smiling. He can move himself 360 degree's lol... he holds his head up so steadily now. His neck has always been quite strong :) He has rolled over from back to front and front to back a few times too! And 2 days ago we got our first little chuckle, DH heard it too, but H was laughing for me :D

Breastfeeding is going so well this time. I had so many issue's feeding LM. Mostly because I didn't have a clue to be completely honest. I arrogantly or ignorantly thought it would be an easy skill to learn. But it isn't so. As a result, she was on formula from 3 weeks old. It is one of my biggest regrets. Fortunately, breastfeeding has been relatively easy this time though, because I was well armed with info :) In the last 6 weeks I have learnt to feed him sitting, standing up, walking around in a sling and, best of all, laying down lol. I love the luxuriousness of nursing laying down. So snugly and so relaxing. Fabulous for when I am really tired. Because if I drift off to sleep it doesn't matter, there is no where to fall! He is feeding 10 to the dozen atm, boosting my supply for his 6 week growth spurt :)

I have started a lactation diet as we have had a few issue's with certain foods. Especially chocolate and licorice. It is pretty restrictive, but it has been worth it so far. H has been so much more content. I will slowly try some of the banned foods to see if they are offenders though, because I cannot see this diet being easily sustainable for me! I like food too much lol. I can gladly give up chocolate and licorice. But start messing with berries and melons and lentils and green veggies and I am getting very upset! Beats a colicy baby though.... but I don't want to miss out on things I don't need to be missing out on!

We had our final official visit from our midwife today :) Such a milestone! It as been a wonderful journey, and fabulous just to know there was someone to call if I had any concerns. And someone to chat to throughout the pregnancy too. Someone who gets the whole HBing thang. I cannot believe it is all over. I felt as though I had been pregnant forever. As ready as I was to begin this new parenting journey, I really do miss my belly. But I love my little guy so much :)

We co-sleep together at night, and I love to wrap myself around him and smell his delicious, soft and fuzzy, little head :) It is so wonderful not to be woken by crying when he is ready to feed. He stirs a little, and does not even open his eyes. I pop him in the crook of my arm, laying down. Then he peeks out a little, latches, and closes his eyes again. I love the look on his face when he pulls off, milk drunk and self satisfied with full, milky lips lol....

I love watching LM with him. She loves him to pieces! And he, in turn, hears her voice and looks for her. He gazes at her, and chats- just for her :) And gives her huge smiles. She just loves that!

Transition from family of 3 to 4 has not been entirely easy though. It has been a big shock to LM to have to share us after all this time. So we have had some pretty difficult times with her. She has been loving H, but hating us. Pushing the limits, talking rudely and being immensely unhelpful :/ But things are slowly getting better. I have to really work at being patient with her though. It is hard work when I am tired, especially by the end of a long day. I have to remember that she is still so young, not even 5 yet. But I do struggle. She has been such an easy little person to be around for the last 18 months or so. It is hard to go back to explaining and negotiating every.single.little.thing! After an especially bad day I watch her sleep at night and promise myself to try harder tomorrow...

To that aim I have started LM in swimming lessons. A little something to look forward to, just for her, every week. After her lesson we stayed on for her to have a play in the kiddies pool. It was a lovely day, and I think it did us all some good :) I am planning to do this with her every week after her lesson, provided the weather is pleasant :)

Well, off to catch some Z's now while my 2 kiddies are resting! xx

Honey Baked Lentils *NOM!*

Just cooked these for lunch.... so damned tasty! Go on, try them :D You know you want to ;)

Honey Baked Lentils:

1 cup dried green/brown lentils
2.5 cups water or stock
2 tblspns honey
2 tblspns tamari or soy sauce
2 tblspns olive oil
1 medium brown onion, diced
Knob of ginger to taste, crushed
2 big cloves garlic, crushed
1 tsp each cumin & chilli powder (optional)

Bake in covered dish 160 degrees for 1.5 hours

My Home Water Birth After C-Section :D

A month ago today, our small son began his journey earthside. 3 long years of waiting, our second child was finally almost here. How long those years of trying to concieve felt... waiting and waiting. Often impatiently, often in dispair. And also with grief, when we lost a baby around midway through our journey. It was a grief I thought I would never recover from. Rarely, in those last months few months, did I wait with hope. I was waiting without hope and facing the fact we may never have another child. When I finally got that positive pregnancy test on an early Sunday morning in December I couldn't believe it! It was so faint, but it was there. They say that the best things come to those who wait. I feel so blessed that the best has now come. To our small son, we love you so much. Only a month earthside in our lives, we cannot take our eye's off you. You fill our heart's with joy. Snuggling you at night, I feel so very very blessed. This is the story of your journey earthside.

I woke up on Thursday morning, 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant, feeling flat and craving solitude. It was overcast and cold. I just wanted the sun to emerge and warm my soul. The instinct to recoil inwards was strong. My Mum rang that morning, and offered to take L off my hands for the day and keep her overnight if I wished, the offer of which I gratefully accepted.

Later that morning, my midwife D came out for a visit. She checked me over, H was well engaged- she could only feel his chin lol. She gave me another book to read and we talked for ages. By the time she had come and gone, the sun was out and I decided I needed to nurture myself a bit. D had suggested I go out to the coast for a walk to reconnect with nature a bit, so I planned my afternoon around that idea.

I went and booked for some kinesiology to try and help settle the soul a bit, and from there I went and had a luxurious lunch down on the waterfront. Crispy skinned salmon with potato's, spinach and asparagus.One of my favourite meals I chilled in the sun eating it and reading. The sun felt good, and the nourishing meal made me feel so much better.

After lunch I went out to Scarborough and had an abortive attempt at a little walk along the waterfront. I kept getting braxton hicks and I could just feel how low he was getting. Mighty uncomfortable! So I turned around and walked back. I sat on the grass in the sun near the park, read some more of my book, enjoyed the scenery. But mostly I just talked to H- just telling him all about the world and how much I was longing to meet him. How I was ready for him when he was ready to meet us all. I walked back along the beach towards my car, it felt good to have my feet in the wet sand and the ocean breeze on my face....Then I got into the car and headed back to my kinesiology appointment. After all of this I was feeling so much more relaxed. Just what the doctor (or rather, midwife) ordered

From near the end of my appointment I was getting a lot of prelabour tightenings that where comming at regular intervals, and suspected that everything was starting. DH came home from work, and I didn't say anything. Just asked if he wanted to go out to dinner seeing as L was at Mum and Dad's for the night. So we headed out and about midway through dinner the tightenings where starting to get a bit stronger. He just looked at me and laughed and said "You look like you just had a contraction" and I just looked back at him and said "Haha... that is because I did :P Can you order me a cream brulee? I really fancy one" "Uh, sure, okay..." lol.... After dinner we went and grabbed some pet food from the supermarket and then we headed home.

Once we where home, I jumped on the birth ball for a while. The contractions felt like they where becomming a little eratic, so I decided I would hop in the shower to see if that would help. Well. Hot water. Apparently that helped a little lol. All of a sudden my contractions where stronger and comming one on top of the other! I decided I had better call D. Pronto!

I jumped out of the shower and asked DH to help me clean up the house a bit and called my midwife D to tell her I was pretty sure I was in labour. She said she would call K (our second midwife) to give her a heads up, and for us to call back when I felt I needed them. I then called my Mum to let her know, and told her to get some rest. After tidying up a bit, my contractions had slowed down to a reasonable pace. Regular but no longer on top of one another.

I asked DH to pump up the birth ball a bit for me, chucked on a singlet and sarong and started bouncing. Bounce, bounce, bounce. Bounce, bounce bounce. Bounce bounce *WHOOSH!* went my waters! Happy days! Our small son was on his way

I called to DH that my waters had broken, and asked him to grab me some towels and the phone. I called D and Mum and then jumped in the shower to clean myself up a bit, and got DH to lay some drop sheets and towels out on the bed and bedroom floor, and to fill the birth pool.

I sat on the edge of the bed and laboured there, with DH sitting behind me. He applied slight pressure to my shoulders/back as the contractions rolled in. He tried massaging, but I hated it. Just some slight pressure was all I wanted. Our cat was sitting beside us the entire time, purring. She is a funny old soul. She didn't leave my side until I forced her evacuation later that night!

Mum and D soon arrived. D checked H's heart rate and my blood pressure. Mum ducked back home (they live about 3 houses away) and grabbed her camera at my request, and then took some pictures of DH and I. Some time passed. D called K and asked her to come. The contractions where getting stronger and closer together, so we decided to make our move to the pool. Absolute bliss! I asked D to light the candles for me. Our birth space was beautiful... lovely and womb like in the soft glow of the candles. We had Angus and Julia Stone playing in the lounge room. It was unplanned, but perfect. The contractions where getting stronger again, K had arrived. People talking during contractions was starting to bug me. I asked everyone to shut up, and then apologised as thhe contraction waned. Mum said she knew then that our baby was still a way off lol. Our cat had followed us into the birth room, and was sitting up on the drawers, purring, watching and keeping vigil.

DH only left my side once, to done his boardies in case I wanted him in the pool with me. He was so quiet and such a strong presense. He was absolutely amazing, and just what I needed. I could not have asked for more. He held water for me to sip on, kept the cold washers comming for my face and shoulders and was there 110% through every contraction, just holding me strong and close.

As the contractions started to come closer and stronger, our dog started barking out the back. I can remember asking for someone to shut him the hell up lol. They had to close him up in the loo to stop his shenanigans. And then the cat abandoned her post, and started walking up and down the hallway. Yowling. I asked for someone to, for god's sake, PLEASE do something to shut the damned cat up!

The contractions all of a sudden became shorter and less frequent. I could see Deb and K exchanging glances. They kept asking where I was feeling the contractions, and checking H's heartbeat with the doppler. In hindsight, this is exactly what happened in my labour with our daughter L. Whether it is just how I labour, or if it was a psychological thing, I guess we will never know. This continued on for some time. They got me to flip over and try another position. I laboured for a while more. More glances where exchanged, and then they went out and where talking in the kitchen. Mum went out there. I knew they where talking about me. But I couldn't care less, as all of a sudden the contractions where coming stronger and harder again. I was yelling at them to stop bloody talking (not because they where talking about me, but because I couldn't stand the noise lol) and then yelling that I couldn't do this anymore!!! As soon as those words where out of my mouth, I knew our baby was on his way! The urge to push followed some time after. This went on for about 2 hours. At some point D wanted to do a VE. She was getting quite toey and worried. I refused. I could feel H. I told her I could feel him comming down. I could feel a slight stinging about half way down. I knew he was almost here Then they could finally see his head. They got the mirror to show us, and asked if I wanted to have a feel. I didn't look or feel. I just lay back and smiled, I was filled with such joy- I was going to meet my baby soon! With a few more contractions, and my body pushing, his head finally emerged I knew then that we where almost done, and that I would have my baby in my arms within minutes. I lay back, so happy I was almost in tears, repeating over and over I can't believe that my baby is almost here! My Mum managed to capture a photo of me, leaning back, with H's head out. I have the biggest grin on my face! A contraction or 2 later, he was out. D told me I had to get up. H's cord was around his neck twice and there was a knot in the cord. I could not get up. My muscles and energy where spent. DH pulled me up, D quickly untangled H and then placed him on my chest. I heard Mum exclaim "OMG! He is HUGE!!!"

I held him to me, my hands shaking, just smiling and smiling and saying "oh my goodness! You are finally here. My tiny tiny boy, my little man, I love you so much" I rocked him and blew into his face. I watched him pink up and talked to him in between blowing. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked into my face. I just kept kissing his little head, and stroking his vernix coated back and face. After a bit I popped him on my breast to feed. He latched on with little difficulty and gazed up at me. I could not get my fill for looking

While all of this was happening, the water went from a bit red to claret. D and K told me I had to get out. NOW. I could barely move, I had no energy left. They reiterated that I needed to get out. DH held H while I moved to the other side of the pool. I remember getting up on my knee's to stand, and reaching to D and K for help and then I remember nothing more, until I came to, laying on the floor. DH had had to lift me out of the pool. My Mum says I was damned lucky he was there as the MW's would never have been able to get me out themselves. I felt hideous. I remembered that feeling from when I lost our baby, from the intense blood lose.
I didn't realize then that this was so much worse. I held H for a little while, but I kept drifting in and out. DH asked me if I wanted to take H. I had to point out to him that H was still attached to me as I had not yet birthed the placenta. They cut the cord and DH took H into bed with him to try and warm him up. I was given me oxygen and overheard D saying that she had forgotten to bring the synto :/ I would start to feel better, and then worse again. This repeated itself over and over. I felt so cold. I couldn't get warm. They decided I needed to transfer to the hospital, I told them, yes, call the ambulance. The ambo's took a while to arrive. The oxygen we had ran out. I felt panic set in. It was the only thing keeping me feeling okay. The ambo's arrived shortly after that thank goodness. They where wonderful. They called for back up to help get me out (they couldn't use the trolley thingumy- our house is set in mountain goat territory) and put in a canula. They chatted away to me, lovely as could be and so calm. The other ambulance arrived and they got me onto a stretcher. As they carried me out they joked about the stairs and the crappy gravel path and how unhelpful it was, and apologized if it was uncomfortable going up the stairs. They got me into the ambulance, put the heater on and rugged me up under some more blankets and hooked up the IV. The second ambulance was taking DH and H. I saw DH walk past with H rugged up in his arms. I called to him not to leave H's side, no matter what.

About half way to the hospital, one of the ambo's asked the driver to speed it up a little. The driver asked should he put the sirens on? The ambo replied "No, but just step on it okay? Careful around the corners, take it easy on the corners, but step it up a bit if you know what I mean?"

Finally we where in ED. There where people everywhere. It was literally a sea of faces. All around me. I was told I had lost 4 out of 5 liters of my blood, had a 3rd degree tear, that they needed to get the placenta out now and they needed to give me a blood transfusion. That they needed to give me synto and a whole heap of other things, morphine for the pain etc, and that I was going to have to go in for surgery for the tear. I had no idea what was necessary and what wasn't. I had no idea how bad a state I was really in, and could not trust that what the doctor was saying was the truth or not or if he was just scaremongering for compliance. I asked to speak to D, but she was not there yet (she had followed in her car) I refused to consent to anything until I had spoken to her and had her opinion. She finally arrived and I asked. And she looked me in the eye's, and told me to do what ever they advised. It was then that I realised things where bad-bad.

It was all a blur, they gave me the morphine and pulled the placenta out. I asked for it to be kept, which it was. I didn't see it until days later, but it was beautiful. It looked just like the tree of life. I signed all the consent forms, I could see H under the heater lamps behind me. I longed to be holding him and tried not to cry. DH brought him over to me. I told him, again not to let him out of his sight, and to hold him as much as possible. I asked him to get him skin to skin if possible. And not to leave him. I was scared and upset about the imminent surgery, and DH came over and was holding my hand, telling me it would all be okay, and that they where all here for me and that he loved me. He was tearing up while trying to hold it together. I have never seen him cry before, in all of our 9 years together....

Next thing a nurse is standing over me, asking me if I know what I am going in for. I nodded. He said a hysterectomy.... WTF??? I don't fucking think so mate! It had better bloody not be! Oh, oh sorry... he says as he is looking back over the forms.a He had only read that I had signed saying that I realized that they *may* have to perform one (in case of unforeseeable issues- standard waiver) I wanted to bloody hit him. They wheeled me off to theatre. I lay in the prep room, and it brought back the horrible memories of being prepped for my "emergency" caesar with L. I lay there crying, unable to believe I was back in that space again, and that my little boy was upstairs so far away from me. They wheeled me in to theatre, and they gave me the general. I was told it wouldn't be instant, and just to relax. I remember laying there, willing for the oblivion. Next thing, I was drifting in and out in recovery. Then taken upstairs. I was told it was a 4th degree tear, not a 3rd as they had thought, and explained what would be happening with the transfusion.
Mum and L came in to see me once I was up in maternity, and DH took them up to see H. I got Mum to take photo's. I didn't want to entirely miss the look on L's face when she finally saw hew much longed for little brother. I can't remember much else.. I think I must have gone back to sleep. My next memory is waking up in my private room (perks of being in such a bad way lol) and having a lovely MW ask me if I wanted to see my baby? Of course I did! So she went to check with SCN and find a wards man to take me down. She couldn't find one, so she wheeled me down herself. In my bed lol...

Finally I was with my little man. Or not so little man! 9 pound 1 and 54.5cm long I held him, and gazed at him for the longest time. Then one of the MW's asked if I wanted help to feed him. Darned tooting I got him latched, with her help, and he fed for aaaages. I gazed at him and tried to decide which name to give him. My favourite name didn't suit him, it just wasn't right. I snuggled him for a bit, and then he wanted to feed again. The MW offered to help, but was great when I said I wanted him to try for himself. He latched on beautifully, and was feeding so hard that his respiratory monitor was set off lol. The MW wagged her finger at him and told him not to be such a guts and that he had to BREATH as well as eat lol. I snuggled and nursed him, and tried to decide on his name. I had pretty much settled his name in my mind. H was put back under the heater lamps and I was wheeled back down to my room. DH had come back to the hospital and said "By the way, what do you think of the name H? I have kind of told a few people that is what we might name him" lol... I wanted to throw a shoe at him! I said "You bastard, don't even talk to me! I just spent about 2 hours tossing up names.... I quite like it, but just don't talk to me about it. Let me think on it a bit" Which he did lol.

We spent 4 days in hospital. I had 7 bags of blood transfusion. The MW's where wonderful this time. Out of all of them, only 2 where not superb. They all came in to have a chat about my birth, about the HB legislation, and to ask if I would do it again. In spite of the post partum hell in a hand basket? Yes. A resounding YES. Nothing will ever beat the feeling of natural labour and birth at home.There is absolutely no comparison. And as DH has pointed out, being in hospital would not have prevented any of what happened (apart from maybe the REALLY excessive blood loss) and I would not have had the lovely labour to compensate. I was the first person (after the cord was unwrapped) to hold my baby. Those moments will be forever precious to me. And I know in a hospital setting that DH would not have been the rock he was for me at home. It has changed our relationship, and moved it to a completely different level. The labour and birth where everything I had hoped for, and more. I wish I had been able to snuggle up in my own bed with our baby afterwards. But given what happened, the hospital where fantastic this time. No one gave us any grief about HBing or non-vaxing. We where (apart from one or 2 individuals) treated with compassion and respect, and I was given some great BFing advice during our stay.

Our little H has been earth dwelling for 4 weeks now. He is just divine. He sleeps so hard, and when he is awake his eyes read my very soul. He is such a serious little man. I love gazing into his beautiful deep eye's. I love watching him feed so hard and with such ecstasy. I love wrapping myself around him at night, and nursing him back to sleep when he wakes. I am slowly healing. Some days are better than others. But I am getting there. It beats the hell out of recovering from a c-sect thus far. Every time I walk past H's room, I smile to think that he was born there, right in the heart of our house Home Grown, Home Born

False Labour

Well! I had told the belly~dweller that once the belly cast was done he was welcome to start his journey. Last night was a bit of fun :P Mum started doing my belly cast late yesterday arvo, and I started getting tightenings while she was doing it, then they progressed to being more contraction like once it was done- had to stop and sway my way through them. This went on every 5 minutes or so for a few hours! I thought our wee boy might have been going to begin his journey earthside :) False alarm though, once I decided I had better start timing them properly for the midwife they started easing up a bit and went all erratic lol. Cheeky boy was playing games with me heh heh.... was a great practice run though! Great to feel my body getting ready for the main event. Whenever you are ready my little love, we are ready to meet you :)

Blessingway.....

I cannot believe how fast this pregnancy is going now! 37 weeks today, and I had my blessingway yesterday. It was an absolutely perfect day, I could not have wished it any better. So layed back, lots of laughs in the best company and lots of yummy foods :) Even the weather was perfect. The day started out so cold, but by the time 12pm rocked around, it was sunny and warm and barely a breeze :)
Everyone brought a candle to light at the blessingway, which they have all taken home to relight when I go into labour...

And then everyone had a turn painting my belly with henna paints while I had a lovely foot soak...
DD painting my hand.... (I am so glad my wee woman could be a part of this day :))

Progress belly shots.... (note in the first pic, you can also see my birthing necklace, everyone brought along a bead to add to it, it is for me to wear while in labour :))

And the finished product!
My little guy was wriggling and jiggling throughout, giving everyone a good laugh lol...
This afternoon I am heading up to Mum's so she can do a cast of my belly, I plan to decorate the cast with the henna patterns that where painted on me :)
A huge thank you to K for organising my special day :D She put in a huge amount of time and research to make sure it was really special. I really do have the best group of friends :D Everything was very me, including all the beautiful gifts we where given for the baby. It is so nice to know that they get "me" iykwim? And it was so nice to share the excitement of this baby with so many beautiful people. I feel so supported.

I still cannot believe this little person will be earthside with us before long! Any time from here on in really. Hoping the birth pool arrives in time lol... but I have the offer of a loan of a pool from a friend who is only just down the road, or we can always just make use of our nice big bath :) Now I have had my blessingway and once this cast is done, he can pick his time....

Been slack on the blogging front :)

My pregnancy is still chugging away, 35 +4 today. Starting to slow up a bit now, my hips are getting sore and I am taking lots of long warm baths in the evening :) Our little guy is doing well. He is head down already, and growing nicely. We are down to weekly midwife visits too!

Last week I was stopped, while talking to my 8 month belly and laughing at his cheekiness, by a woman who said "Isn't it just the BEST feeling ever? I wish I could do it all again!" It lifted my whole day. Everyone else is so blerghh.... 8 months pregnant, isnt it awful! But I dont feel that way at all, I just love it! (so long as I can rest as needed lol, don't get me wrong, still starting to get pretty uncomfy lol) and it was so nice to hear someone say the same thing!

I love watching my belly contort into all these wierd and wondeful shapes. And I love the fact I can actually feel his little feet when he kicks. With LM I had so much fluid that limbs where barely able to be deciphered lol. I would get the wierd shapes etc, but couldnt make out what was what. This time I have no fluid retention (yet anyway lol... such a blessing!) and I can feel everything! Right down to his boney little bottom :P My MW, Deb, felt his bottom and wasn't sure if it was his bottom or his head lol.

I keep having these wierd dreams that my skin pulls so taut over him during a braxton hicks that I can actually make out his face lol. Freaky!

Anyway :) Getting through my to-do list slowly. I have completed his doona cover, the felted nesting bowls, his knitted sleeping bag and a couple of little outfits :) I will try to post some pics next week when I get my camera (digital SLR body so I can use my old school lenses :))Today I am having a cook up to start stocking the freezer for the babymoon. Spaghetti and meatballs, home made baked beans & chicken noodle soup are on the list for today. All double batches. I have a batch of pea and ham soup already frozen (yummy!) and I am planning a couple of quiches, some canelloni , fish cakes and I am not sure what else.... if anyone is reading, any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Random post....

Just so I never forget just how gorgeous my little girl is.... gave her dinner, she is sitting at the table eating away "Thank Mum, no one has a Mum like mine!" and then after dinner, snuggled up together on the lounge "Mum, you are my most favouritest person in the whole world" *kiss and squeeze* I love her so much... such a spunky little muffin. No one like her in the whole world :) She is just amazing...

The last few days she has been amusing herself so well, I barely have to do a thing. On a forum I frequent, someone asked how I have encouraged her to play so well by herself. My post got quite a lot of thanks/nice comments so I thought I would cross post it here for anyone who is interested.....

"Everyone has their shit days J.... seriously. Some days I think if I hear one more word come out of L's mouth I will run away from home lol. She seriously does.not.shut.up. All day. And I have day's where I would gladly palm her off on anyone! Those days I usually take her to the park so she can find someone else to talk to and leave me alone for a bit. But for the most part I do really enjoy it (post was in response to the question "Do You Enjoy Parenting?") I have a lot of support around here though, lots of other SAHM's in the area plus my parents around the corner now. It makes a HUGE difference. Plus I have always liked my own company. Even when I was at school, by the time term was over I just wanted to be alone lol. I would just have had enough of people. My school friends used to ask where the hell I disappeared too. But I would just take off to the beach alone for swims or long walks or with my camera. Or hole up in my bedroom with my art stuff and the music on. Or hang out in the hammock for hours with a good book.

L does most of the activities off her own bat, she really doesn't need much encouragement. I leave her to her own devices for the most part. I don't actually have to do that much iykwim? I have a cupboard set up with trays of activities for her and she just goes at it. And a huge box full of egg cartons/boxes etc. I am very lucky that she loves all the arty-crafty stuff. She also has a very fertile imagination. It keeps her amused for HOURS every day. Right now she is off taking photo's with her kiddy camera. She has been taking pics for the last 2.5 hours! I am just really lucky she has such a great attention span. The food has helped with that though, diet has made such a huge impact on our day to day. She is so much more content in her own skin these days. It really is amazing.... totally different kid.

One day she spent hours with egg cartons and crayons, just colouring them in lol. My friend L was visiting at the time "Egg cartons? Who'd have thunk it?" And then she went off and got her glue stick and started gluing bits and pieces all over them as well. And then gave some small toys a ride in it when she was done. She seriously blows me away... I was NEVER like that as a kid, I always wanted Mum to amuse me. Probably because she always did though. I have always pushed Laura to amuse herself.

It is the age too though, when she was younger it took a lot more to keep her amused, as things wore off a lot more quickly.The other morning she spent AAAAAGES making "cakes" for her possum toys out of all the crud she collected on her bike ride with TH. Pine cones, pine needles, paperbark etc. She raided the kitchen cupboards and put it all in a mixing bowl and pretended to mix it all with her beaters and wooden spoon. Then baked a "cake" (aka as an upturned container on a tray) in the "oven" (aka, under the table)She loves to go and water the plants in the garden too. She has her own little watering can, and can now turn the taps on and off. She loves to do that. She also loves a couple of tubs to wash and rinse her dolls clothes in, then hangs them on the cheapo washing line from the warehouse. Filling up the sink and giving her a few containers to wash and play with always keeps her amused for ages too. Mum does that with her a lot, me not so much. She makes waterfalls etc. She will play for an hour like that, just pouring and changing the containers around.

Tis all cheap stuff mostly... we have had to get a lot more inventive with the lack of $ around here atm. I try to remember what Mum did with us, we had bugger all money growing up, but we always had fun times.

And today all I have done is snuggle in bed with her, pour her cereal & pop the batteries into her camera. We are both still in our jammies. House is a sty and I am on here instead as usual I think she is finally done with the camera. I can hear her chatting away in her bedroom and she is putting music on. It is so much easier to be patient and do the occasional activity with her during the week when she isn't at me non-stop to do stuff 24-7 ."

"The tray activity I set up with a wooden tray/lentils or other grains and a small dustpan and brush (montessori child) so she could learn sweeping (montessori activity) but she got frustrated with it at the time. Instead she started drawing in it. Which was awesome. I was so proud of her! Sitting there practicing her letters in an old school magnadoodle lol.

I also did up the coloured/dyed rice for her. She layered it into jars etc. Did a lot of that. Then when it was all mushed up I chucked it all into a big bowl (tin with handles, also from montessori child) and she has been playing with that a lot. Pouring with it, hiding and finding things in it, making cakes/pies etc with it (pours it into various containers, gets her kiddy beaters on it lol.)

Getting L to amuse herself was hard consistent work. And changing over to a more montessori approach. She has free access to the cupboards/fridge to get her own snacks as she needs. Has a tray of cloths/dustpans etc to clean up after herself (doesn't always work, need's to be encouraged a bit) and has trays of different activities in the cupboard. I try to keep it all relatively neat and not have other stuff around, just those activities. That way she doesnt get overwhelmed with too many options. Linen cupboard has a shelf with the activity trays and then we have a craft cupboard with colouring books/jars of pencils/jars of texta's/container for beading/containers with buttons/paddlepop sticks/etc for gluing, glue sticks (of course...) and a shelf with paper and cardboard.

Under her easel we have a cardboard box (which I covered in white paper and got L to paint lol... another hour or so amused) which I pop the egg cartons/boxes/loo rolls etc into.

This week she made a pirate ship out of a box, a cardboard roll (came out of a box in incense... random) the yellow flyer out of an egg carton and a roll of masking tape. Then she made loo roll people to go in the ship, and dragged out the blue blanket to be the ocean and a brown towel to be the sea shore. All without any direction from me. Happy days!

The linen cupboard activities rotate when I can be bothered lol. Mr Potato Head, different shaped blocks that have cards and a torch so you can match the shadows, matching numbers game/puzzle, matching letters with sounds puzzle (I have put these into groups so there are not too many at a time to do, makes it less overwhelming for her. I started by putting out only 5 or so on the tray. Now I put the whole bag onto the tray, but the are in groups of 5 in the bag- she likes to do them all now) Letter tracing pages (print them off the net- she likes learning letters/numbers atm) I have a tray with random things she can do crayon rubbings with (lace, coins, leaves, different textures stuff- she now goes and finds different things around the house once she starts) puzzles, lentil trays etc.

I have 3 activities set up at a time, so not too much choice. At first I had to sit with her and teach her how to do the activities, she would get frustrated. But after a lot of positive reinforcement she is starting to learn that you need to practice at anything to get good at it. She still gets angry sometimes lol. But I try to remind her and redirect her back to the task she is trying to do. But mostly she can do these things herself now, with just the occasional question. I also try to enforce that an activity should be packed up before another is brought out. That requires a lot of direction lol... she knows I will take stuff away from the cupboard if she doesn't though. Having the activities readily available is a priveledge, not a right. Might seem harsh, but I firmly believe kids need to learn some responsibility. Especially once they start getting a bit older.

I try to get her to do most things for herself these days, from taking her dinner plate to the sink, putting away her own clean clothes, tidying her room, making sure she washes her own face/brushes teeth/finds her own brush and hairties/dresses herself etc. Hoping to instill some self sufficiency in her. Mum always did everything for us, and as much as that was very pleasant at the time, I really dont think it has been a good thing long term lol. Some days she is not as keen as others, but she has been especially good this week. I always make sure I thank her for the effort she puts in, and also comment how good it feels when we do things for ourselves. It makes a huge difference in her attitude. Did 2 whole loads just of her clothes (slack on the washing the last fortnight.... poor kid was down to size 3 clothes pmsl) and folded them all into groups for her. Got her to get her basket (montessori child again... woven basket with handles) and got her to pop her undies and socks into it to put away. Then, undirected, she came back to the laundry several times to get the other piles of clean/folded clothes on the bench and put them all away too while I cooked dinner. It was great lol. I think she was just happy I had cleaned them and that her favourites where in the pile pmsl....

Some days it is a fight though. But I always do fight it, not just let it slip. Which can be hard work when you really dont want it...."

HTH with idea's for keeping the little people amused :) It can be darned hard work!

Chemical's in the home and in our lives.....

Fabulous post from a most eloquent Earthy Mother. Everything I think and agree with, but written in a much more succinct fashion than I could ever muster! I hope you all enjoy it too....

"Is it a huge leap to consider that perhaps chemicals are negatively impacting on our health so dramatically? The evidence against chemicals is stacking up, and the companies selling them aren't going to withdraw their products or suggest you buy something less toxic. Our governments aren't doing anything about it........."

http://earthymotherhood.blogspot.com/2010/06/living-in-world-where-everything-is.htmldy

These are the reasons we eat organic, clean organic and dress organic wherever possible....
I have suffered from thyroid disease (hashimoto-'s hypothyroid) for the last 6-7 years. Recently, my incredibly healthy, personal training, body sculpting SIL has been diagnosed with the same disease. After moving from a house with filtered water (no fluoride) to a house without a filter. Which had brand new off-gassing paints/carpets etc. Within 3 months she was so sick... no great leap to make the connection. Especially as she is pint sized, and drinks about 3 times the volume of water of the average person.... Fortunately she is taking control, going organic and has switched to untampered water which is helping immeasurably. But the moral of the story is DO NOT TRUST THE GOVERNMENT TO HAVE OUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART!

I hope you enjoy Earthy's blog post as much as I did....

Gluten Free Pikelets!

Gluten Free Pikelets

Ingredients

1 cup gluten-free plain flour
1 teaspoon gluten-free baking powder
¼ cup caster sugar
1 egg, lightly beaten
¾ cup (180mL) milk
1 tablespoon butter

Method

Sift flour and baking powder into a bowl. Add sugar, mix and make a well in the centre. Slowly add egg and enough milk to make a thick batter. Beat well until smooth.Heat a non-stick pan over a medium heat, melt ½ teaspoon butter and drop heaped tablespoonfuls of mixture into the pan. I cooked about 4 at a time. When bubbles appear on the surface, turn the pikelets and allow to brown on the second side. Transfer pikelets onto a plate and cover with a cloth while you finish cooking the remainder.Serve plain, with butter, jam, honey or maple syrup. Yum.

These pikelets (although not dairy free... will have to try subbing different milk I think. Butter will probably still be okay) are absolutely delicious! I made a batch and consumed most of them myself while LM was at Kindy the other day lol... Lovely and light and fluffy. Really happy with them!

Hellllooooo Anemia

Another reason why things have been going downhill around here lol...

I went to have some blood tests last week, I have a dodgy thyroid (hypothyroid) so I need to have my levels checked every 4-6 weeks during pregnancy, to make sure I am taking enough for the baby as well as myself. My midwife also wanted me to have iron studies done, and antibodies screening and all that jazz. Especially as I have been so tired and faint.

Got the bloods back, my thyroid is behaving itself impecably! Which is fabulous. I am on a lesser dose now than I was before I even fell pregnant with LM. And half the dose I was on by this stage of pregnancy with LM. I have not had to up the dose yet which is fantastic. It means what thyroid function I have is actually improving by the looks of it!

But my iron levels where severly low. Apparently I am severley anemic. Which is REALLY bad, especially as I am planning to homebirth. But thank goodness for this new GP and my midwife, as without them both, I would not even know. The hospital checked only one level of my iron about 2.5 months back, and it was showing as perfectly fine. And the latest pathology request was not even going to check it. Useless bastards...

So I was sent off with orders to take fefol 3 times a day (with vit c of course ;) to help absorbption) tuck into the steak and other iron rich foods (sorry, I just can't face liver and kidneys *blergh*) to hopefully build my stores in time for the birth.

Let's hope I can do it!

I started yesterday arvo, after buying my sup's, by taking fefol with a boost juice of apple/orange/beetroot and carrot. Last night I ate a load of alfalfa, a steak (which smelt and TASTED divine! First time this pregnancy... I have had a severe meat aversion) with a fresh orange juice, and took another fefol. Then had some dried apricots for desert. This morning I had a green smoothy with my fefol.

This Mornings Green Smoothie Recipe....

Generous handful of spinach
1 frozen banana
1/8 of a rockmelon
Juice of one Orange
Sprig of Tarragon
1 Raw egg
Water
2 Heaped Teaspoons "BowelBiotics+" (to help counteract the effects of the amount of iron I am taking, plus this product has probiotics in it (metamucil or just plain psyllium husks would so the same otherwise) which I have read is important in 3rd trimester for the baby, to help develop their gut flora and help prevent things like eczema, which has been a major problem with LM)

Tastes AWESOME! Rockmelon and Tarragon together taste like licorice allsorts ;) Lovely together in salad's too!

The orange juice has to be fresh, I am finding bottled juices give me really bad reflux. But if it is fresh, there are no issue's. I think it has something to do with acid/alkaline forming foods. I need to look into this more. But I suspect that bottled juices (talking organic, no additive stuff) turns into an acid forming food as it is allowed to sit. Where as fresh squeezed has not had time, and so remains alkaline forming, so long as it is consumed immediately.

I have also cut gluten (which I should have done for my thyroid a long time ago... but that is another story) and dairy, as they have both been causing really bad reflux. I wish I had known about this stuff when I was pregnant with LM, as I had to take prescription drugs to keep the reflux in check with her. Most people get a bit of reflux late pregnancy, but this is on a completely different plane. Nothing worked for it. At all. And it was HORRENDOUS. I still get a little bit of reflux (what pregnant woman doesn't?) but it is manageable and barable. And if it is getting a bit too full on (ie- I ate way too much lol) a rennie will help. So nice to know I wont have to resort to major drugs this time... and even those where not helping by the end with LM. But I refused to take anything harsher.

Belly~Dweller is getting bigger by the day :) Lots of rolling, I love him to bits already, even when he kicks me in the ribs all night like the night before last :P Looking forward to meeting this little person on his birthday!

Anyway, off to have my walk (to help with the blood pressure) and then a little rest :P

Keep your fingers crossed for my iron levels please!!!!

A big foody rant....

Sorry I have been MIA! Things ave been going rapidly down hill around here lately. First DH had gastro, and then a second bout of it (*shakes head* Told him not to have milk/coffee/juice on a raw stomach...) Then LM had tummy pains and a temp, then a temp and a cold and then she got into DH's snakes. Which was just fantabulous...

We have a very strict no additives/colourings/flavourings/preservatives diet with LM. Anything containing these things has us experiencing night terrors, mood swings and all sorts of nastiness. It has been a very long journey of hit and miss. I always thought the diet we had was a very balanced and healthy one. We always had a big emphasis on fresh fruit and veg, organic produce etc etc. But this journey has proven otherwise. It has seen us cut Philadelhia Cheese Spread (who would have thunk it....) kraft cheese slices, vegemite, stock cubes (yes, even those with "no added MSG" actually do contain MSG...)and basically all the mainstream breaky cereals as almost all of them contain dreaded Barley Malt Extract, which has been the last thing we have cut out. It also has MSG in it. It naturally occurs as the product is being produced. It was triggering really bad night terrors and sleep issue's in LM.

Since we cut it out of our diets around 9 months ago, we have not had one episode of night terrors. And just to make me REALLY extra happy, we no longer have any "going to bed" issue's either! The difference was just amazing. After struggling with sleep with LM for 3.5 years, we finally had a child who could recognise when she was tired. It was like the foods where drugging her and masking the "need sleep" receptors. It would take HOURS every night to get her to sleep. Every night was a struggle. Every single night. 45 minutes would be getting off lightly, generally it would take over 2 hours. Now she will actually tell us when she needs to go to bed. If she needs a nap, she will have one (after cutting day sleeps at 2 lol) and we NEVER have her crying and carrying on about going to sleep. The longest it takes her to fall asleep is half an hour. On a bad night. I had forgotten just how bad the night terrors where until last week, here on in to be known as "The Snake Incident"

So TH loves sweets. He has always LOVED snakes. He left an open packet on the table. I snuck a few during the day (which I shouldnt have been doing, having cut gluten) and then all of a sudden the pack was EMPTY! (as I take the last snake lol) I thought, holy crap, I am a total pig, I didn't realise I had eaten THAT many! Then at around 9pm, LM "woke" and was sobbing her little heart out, standing in the loo in her jammies. She had that vacant look, not really seeing me. Nothing I said was registering with her. Night terrors *sigh* So I bundled her up into my arms and tucked her into our bed and told DH he would have to sleep on the lounge. She "woke" every 10 minutes that night, crying and thrashing about.... It is so hard to see your child like that, and find yourself unable to help them. You just have to weather it. I was laying there, trying to catch a couple of winks of sleep before the next episode of excorsist child started, and I thought "Of course, the SNAKES!" That is why the pack went down so piggishly (so I had thought) Why I thought I could trust a 4 year old to abstain when I couldn't myself.... but she has always been so good about the diet restrictions we have in place. She gets her own special lollies every week, which she is free to eat as she wishes (Yummy Earth brand, for anyone looking for a good alternative!)

The following morning I had a little chat with her. I asked her if she ate some of Daddy's snakes *shakes head avoiding my eyes* I promised her I would not be mad with her if she had eaten them and asked her again *silent hang dog look* I asked her to give me a little cuddle if she had eaten the snakes, and she inched forward and gave me a cuddle *sigh* I have always maintained it is unfair to have things in the house LM cannot eat. And this is why. I have always at least hidden what she cannot have and indulged after she is asleep at the least.... I felt so bad. Yes, TH shouldn't have left them on the table, but I saw them and left them there. So it was as much my fault as TH's or LM's.

A timely reminder that what we are doing is right though, which is always welcome :) First night terror incident since "The Great Rice Bubble Debacle of 2009" where I was able to pin Mum to the fact LM must have eaten 2 bowls of rice bubbles at her house. When we discovered Barley Malt Extract was the root of LM's sleep issue's, I had not wanted to broach the topic with my Mum. She kept going on, saying I was going to give LM an eating disorder (insert monumental sigh...) so the last thing I wanted was issue's. LM went for a sleep over. Came back the next arvo. Night terrors. Mum SWORE up and down she had not given her anything out of the ordinary. Generally, LM had rice bubbles for breakfast at my Mum's place. One bowl was not enough to trigger a reaction, so that was one of the reasons I let it be. But after the night terror's we had, I knew something must be up. I asked Mum if LM had 2 bowls of rice bubbles instead of one. Yes, she had. So the topic had to be broached. Fortunately, the fact I was able to pinpoint, down to quantity, what it was that was eaten gave me some credance. No issue's from Mum (thank goodness!) all she asked was what she could get instead. And since then, we have had no night terrors and life has been so much easier!

Anyway, huge ramble :) But I am a huge believer in food being a major cause of childhood behavioural issue's. And the thing is, until you start cutting things out, you cannot see it for yourself. If someone had told me food was the root cause of all of our issue's with tiny toddler LM I would not have believed them. She was just going through a stage, yaknow? But having seen her behaviour slowly get better as we removed the foods, slowly, steadily, better and better, there is no way it could possibly be anything else. The regressions when the wrong foods are eaten are testimony to that.

Yes, it is damned hard in the begining. It is so hard to know where to start. But the rewards are so worth it! If you think it is too hard to do, I think and KNOW it is much harder work to deal with a child who is high on foods, day in day out. These days I have a child who is able to be reasoned with, who doesn't have massive meltdowns over the smallest things, who doesn't have huge emotionlly charged outburts (tears or anger) over nothing. Everyone always comments about how good she is about things. And let me tell you, it has not always been this way! And it wouldn't be this way if I had not cut out these so called "foods"

Never EVER trust that what is allowed to be sold as food is actually safe for consumption. The government and governing bodies are not to be trusted. We should all be able to go into the shops and buy, in good faith, what is on the shelves. We shouldn't have to do ridiculous amounts of research into numbers and additives etc etc. But unfortunately, that is the crappy world we live in.

A good starting place for anyone looking into restricting intake of additives/preservatives etc etc is on this site here...

http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/

With a handy, wallet sized print out of numbers etc to look for/avoid....

http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/information/additives.htm

Amazing Giveaway!

Check out this GORGEOUS caravan at http://amandamakes.blogspot.com/2010/05/giveaway-caravan-of-love.html#comment-form
Isn't it just beautiful! Get in quick and comment, the giveaway comp closes 1st June!

School Interviews....

Today we had a second lot of school interviews for LM. I can't believe my baby is going to school next year!

I think today went well :) The principal was lovely, the school sounds great. It has a great vibe too. The report sent from L's kindy was fabulous to top it all off :)I think this is where we will be sending our little girl next year.... DH is very keen on this particular school, and not so much on the other we went for an interview at a few weeks ago. So he will be happy lol. They have great music/drama/arts programs, and a very nurturing attitude towards the children. One of my friends has 2 children at the school, and she has been so happy and impressed with their caring and attentive attitude, and the way in which they take care of any problems that crop up.

During the interview they had a second teacher come in to keep LM amused while I talked with the principal. And after our chat we had a tour of the school, led by 2 of the year 7 students. It was absolutely killing! They even demonstrated how safe the playground was by biffing themselves against the padded poles. We had a wonderfully in depth tour of the prep rooms, including the many and varied felt pens & the prayer table in home corner, complete with mobile phone "It is a real one, but it doesn't have a sim in it or anything, it is one of the real/fake ones like they have in the mobile shops (lol...)

The principal basically said an acceptance form will be sent out in 3 weeks, and to sign and return it. If you choose to of course! So I assume that means LM will be accepted.

This is a great relief. The other school we went for an interview at is newer, and will be prep to grade 12 which would be very convenient for drop offs/pick ups later down the track (5 year age gap and all...) but it didn't have the same good vibe this school has. Also, the women in the office where not nearly so friendly and helpful as at the other school, and basically said not to hold our breath (regards an acceptance) as they accept ABCD & E before they start accepting people from further away (a whole 10 minute drive away *le sigh*)

In a lot of ways the first school would be very good. The fee's include everything bar the school uniform (all stationary and excursion fee's etc etc) It is newer, so the school is still quite small at this stage. And we wouldn't have to worry about which school to send LM to for high school, she could just continue on through.

But this other school just feels right... there are beautiful tree's, the people in the office where so friendly and helpful in comparrison to the first school. And yes, the second school is older, but because of that they already have an exceptional range of music/art/drama programs. When I went up to put the application forms in, it was late afternoon but there where still about 3 students out the front. The principal was out there also. And apparently he doesn't leave, or go back to his office, until all of the children have been picked up according to my friend when I commented on it to her. It is also slightly closer, no traffic lights if I go the back way. And DH likes it better. His only reasoning being that the other school is in an area with a higher amount of mothers who work, and so more children who have been in full time daycare from day dot. Which he see's as a big negative (and I don't entirely disagree tbh, but I don't think that would be a huge problem at that particular school...)

Anyway, we shall wait and see. We might not have a choice of the 2 anyway, so that would make the decision easier! We just both want to see LM enjoy school, as neither of us did.... So fingers crossed the right option is what happens!

Another wonderful IM appointment :)

Yesterday I had my second meeting with our independent midwife.... it was wonderful! I love not having to go up to the hospital, I love that my wants and needs are respected, I love that she doesn't spout utter rubbish at me in relation to birth. She trusts me, and my body, to do what it is designed to do. To birth naturally, without needless intervention. At home where I feel most comfortable.

Up until last month I was also going to attend appointments up at the hospital (which I have booked into, in case of need to transfer during labour) but after my last appointment I just can't. I had YET another doctor, who I had to explain the story of my last birth to. Who carried on about induction methods, risks etc etc over and over. Who had a go at me for declining the 12 week scan. Because according to him, early scans are 100% accurate in determining due dates. Which for the record, is absolute bosh. At 12 weeks they can be out by up to a week, and at 20 weeks up to 2 weeks out. He told me that pethidine could not possibly have put LM into distress during labour, or stalled my labour. Which is also utter bullshit. And to top it off, he changed my due date, which I had calculated with my ovulation date which is the most accurate way of determining an estimate. He was useless with the doppler, couldn't find bub's heartbeat. Insisted after 5 minutes of trying, that he would need to use an ultrasound machine to determine bub was okay. When I could FEEL bub moving around like he was doing cartwheels.... I left there so angry at the doctor, at the system and mostly at myself for even going there when I knew better.

2 days later I had my first antenatal appointment with my midwife.... she was wonderful, caring, honest. She has found me a home birth friendly GP so I don't have to put up with the hospital's crap anymore. When she was checking the baby's heart beat with the doppler, she checked bub's position first, to make sure the doppler was not on there for longer than needed.

My midwife is available to me whenever I need her. If I am worried about any thing, I have her number and am encouraged to call at any time. She comes to me for all the antenatal visits, which are considerable especially towards the end. And after our dear little boy is born she will visit us every day for the first few days, then twice weekly, then weekly, and fortnightly for 6 weeks post partum.

She tells me that she plans to be as hands on or hands off as I want during the labour. However I want to be supported, is how she will be for me. If I want to be alone, she will leave the room. If I want a hand to crush, she will be there. If I want silence, I have it. If I want reassurance and words, I will have that too. There wont be anyone putting time restrictions on us. Nothing to tie me to a bed (I am having a VBAC) as she will monitor periodically with the doppler. In the birth pool if I want.

Basically, she will be there as a guide. To keep me on track if I need it, to give me support, and to reassure us that everything is perfectly normal and fine. But also to give us a heads up if things do go pear shaped. And if they do, she will come to the hospital with us as birth support. So I don't have to fight anyone. She will be there to fight for me. Because, after last time with LM, I know that when I am in labour I will have no fight in me. It is all consuming. If things go pear shaped again, and I end up with a repeat c-sect, I want to know that my placenta will be kept & that our baby's cord will not be cut until it has stopped pulsating. And I want to know that someone will help fight to keep my baby with me, and not be whisked off after the initial meet and greet. I still mourn the loss of those first precious hours with LM. They have impacted deeply. There are pictures of DH with her (C/O my wonderful parents) and I am SO glad he was there with her. But I wish I had been too.... those pictures speak a thousand words. The way she is gazing at him so calmly, getting to know his face and he hers.... I should have been there too... But because of an error of judgement (admitted by the doctor before I was discharged) I was downstairs in recovery. And when I was finally wheeled upstairs hours later, LM wasn't even in the room waiting for me. I still remember having to ask for my baby, and waiting and waiting for them to bring her in. Hearing the sound of her little bassinet being wheeled down the hallway, finally. Of not being able to get out of bed to tend to her. Of having to wait for someone to pass her to me. For days it was like that. And then finally, being able to pick her up myself and walk to calm her. And being yelled at by the nurses for doing so.... I was never so happy to get out of anywhere as I was to get out of that hospital. LM wasn't really *mine* until I walked out of there.... and that was almost a week later.

I can't wait to have a normal birth this time. I can't wait for this baby to be mine from the second he is born. I am so happy that LM and I wont be separated over that time too.... she is so excited to be becoming a big sister. I don't want her to miss a moment of that. I am looking forward to NOT having my little family having to leave me and our new little boy every rest time and every evening. I am looking forward to my own shower, and my own bed at the end of my labour. And my own cooking lol.... I need to start thinking about stocking that freezer! I am looking forward to being respected, I am looking forward to the whole journey. I can't wait to scoop my little baby up into my arms and watch him take his first breaths earthside..... Only another 15 or so weeks to go my little belly~dweller! I am relishing every roll and kick, this pregnancy is going so fast! I cannot wait to meet you, but I love this waiting too. There is such sweetness in the anticipation.... just knowing you are in there, growing stronger by the day, is enough for now. Feeling my belly swell, and feeling to roll around is enough for now. When you are ready, you will be free to pick your own birthday. No one will be rushing you, my little sweetheart. Not me, and no doctors either. So take your time, we will all be ready whenever you are.

Ok, so here is a wicked Gluten-Free Chocolate Cake Recipe..... This pregnant woman is NOT doing without sweets due to wheat causing reflux in pregnancy :P

Gluten Free Chocolate Cake

2 eggs
1 cup caster sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons of butter
3 1/2 tablespoons of cocoa (I prefer raw cacao personally... very yummy, and healthier due to higher antioxidants)
4 tablespoons of boiling water
1 cup almond meal
1/4 cup self raising gluten free flour
1/2 cup milk

1. Preheat oven to 180*c and put patty papers into tray. Separate eggs - beat egg yolks with sugar and butter.
2. Sift almond meal and flour together 3 times. Add to egg and beat until well combined. Add milk and mix in thoroughly.
3. Combine water and cocoa and leave to cool.
4. Beat egg whites until soft peaks form.
5. Add choc mix to batter and beat in well. Fold in egg whites gently.
6. Put 1/4 of a cup of batter into patty pans - this way you'll get 12.
7. Bake for 15-18 mins or until skewer comes out clean.

Enjoy!

Good Company & Good Food

Yesterday arvo I had a visit from a dear friend of mine. We have been friends since we where babies. Our parents have remained good friends throughout all this time. And it doesn't ever matter how much time has elapsed, when we get together we talk nonstop for hours and lapse into our own silly language of personal jokes etc. Yesterday arvo/evening was no exception. Many laughs, a lot of debating about the state of the world... great soul food :) And to go with the good soul food we indulged in some good food-food too :P

Organic spelt, chocolate and walnut brownies C/O the organic farmers markets, accompanied with a giant pot of organic english breakfast tea c/o T2....

*NOM!* Awesome afternoon.....

Mmmmmm.... delicious baked beans...

Cooking - Herb and Garlic Croutons, roasting pumpkin & garlic for tonights soup & also some lamb stock on the boil for tomorrow nights dinner....
Reading - The Thyroid Diet http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/book/9780007211838/The-Thyroid-Diet Interesting book, and food for thought. Also reading this blog http://mollysthyroidjourney.blogspot.com/?spref=fb which has prompted the re-reading of the above book.
Crafting - Finally learnt to crochet! So crocheting granny squares for a belly~dweller blanket.
Contemplating - Going gluten free....

In our home we try to eat all organic. We also have no foods in the house containing preservatives/additives/colourings etc etc etc. They effect LM REALLY badly. Esp Barley Malt Extract (It is in SO many things... didn't realise how many until we cut it out about 8 months ago. It is also in organic foods. The processing to become BME actually produces and MSG which explains the night waking a mood swings :/) which has her waking up to 10 times a night needing to be resettled. The other stuff doesn't help in that respect either, and also makes her grumpy and emotional as all get out. It is like Jekyll and Hyde. The tantrums start, the tears start, the sleeping stops... it is alllll bad and lasts for days. So I make all our meals/snacks etc from scratch, to ensure there are no nasties in it. This has also had a positive effect on TH, he has gone from needing his asthma puffer at least 3 times a week, to needing it max 3 times a year. He needs it so little, that when he DOES need it, he can rarely find it because it has been so long since he has used it. Which would be funny if it where not for the fact he needs the thing to breathe lol...

The other night I made baked beans from scratch for the first time. Without a recipe, I just winged it. They turned out so well I thought I would share the recipe... LM loves baked beans, but the prepackaged variety REALLY doesn't agree with her. So it has been a long time since she had any. Which is very slack of me. Is there anything more simple/cheap/nutritious than a delicious bowl of baked beans?

Baked Beans

Ingredients....

2 Cans of organic tomato's, blitzed in the blender
1 Organic brown onion, finely diced
1 Can organic kidney beans
1 Can organic cannellini beans
Pinch of salt
Pinch of sweet paprika
Tsp Cumin
Tsp Sugar
Oil of choice...

Method....

1.) Brown finely diced onion in oil in your saucepan until translucent
2.) To the onion's, add the paprika and cumin and fry, stirring, for a minute or 2 (releases the delicious aroma's)
3.) Add the blitzed tomato's to the saucepan, with a little water, pinch of salt, tsp sugar (this helps break down the tomato's. Lemon juice could also be used if you don't want the added sugar) and simmer for at least 20 minutes. Not sure how long I cooked it for tbh... I cook by smell and how it looks. A very aquarian trait I am told lol...
4.) Once the tomato mix is cooked to how you like it, add the drained and rinsed beans and heat through.

I served these with potato's in their jackets, topped with grated organic cheddar. So yummy! Would be delicious with your choice of crusty bread also. My favourite is organic ciabatta (toasted under the grill, with garlic olive oil brushed over it) You could also sub whatever beans are your favourite, or whatever you have to hand :)

Enjoy!

Coconut Macaroons.....

The other night I was craving sweets, and there was nothing in the house... wheat is giving me indigestion, thanks to the belly~dweller, so I went in search of a yummy easy recipe that was wheat free and for which I had all the ingredients... and found these!

Coconut Macaroons

Preparation Time
10 minutes

Cooking Time
15 minutes

Ingredients (serves 10)
195g (3 cups) shredded coconut
4 egg whites, at room temperature
1/4 tsp salt
170g (3/4 cup) caster sugar
2 tsp vanilla essence


Method
1) Preheat oven to 170°C. Line 3 large baking trays with non-stick baking paper. Spread the coconut over 2 of the trays and cook in preheated oven, tossing occasionally, for 3-4 minutes or until lightly toasted. Transfer to a plate.
2) Use electric beaters to whisk the egg whites and salt together in a large, clean, dry bowl until soft peaks form. Add the sugar a spoonful at a time, whisking well after each addition. Whisk for a further 2 minutes or until mixture is thick and glossy.
3) Add the vanilla essence and whisk to combine. Add the toasted coconut and use a large metal spoon to fold in until just combined.
4) Spoon tablespoonsful of mixture onto lined trays, leaving about 2cm between each. Bake in preheated oven, swapping trays halfway through cooking, for 12-15 minutes or until light golden and firm. Set aside for 5 minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely. Transfer to an airtight container.

So very delicious! I quartered the recipe, as it was late at night and only TH and I where up. Luckily I did that, as TH fell asleep. So I had to eat the whole batch alone ;) Lovely and crispy on the outside, and chewy on the inside... just the way I like them!

I have just made a 1/2 batch for LM and I to consume, they are cooling now as I type, so I am off now to eat some more nom-ishness!

Recipe CO http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/11362/coconut%20macaroons

Craft Swap.....

Cooking - Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup

Reading - Well, flicking through the softies pattern book :P

Sewing - Nothing now :)

Contemplating - Quilt for Belly~Boy, Casting on the last bowl for B~B's felted nesting bowls.

The last few days I have been busy at my machine making some sweet little things for a craft swap. I was fortunate enough to be sewing for a little girly belly~dweller, so much fun has been had!

Sweet Tweet Mobile....

Hand Dyed Muslin....

Bib and Matching Booties...

I hope my recipient likes her items!

I received my swap the other day, I absolutely adore it.... My little guy is so spoilt, he will be extra squishy in these beautiful woolies!

Crazy Doggles....

Cooking - Chicken stock in the slow cooker....
Reading - Recipe For a Perfect Marriage (ps- not a guide, a work of fiction lol... peppered with good recipe's too!)
Sewing - Finishing up my items for a craft swap. Just found out the recipient is having a baby girl, so some extra sewing is in order!
Contemplating - Sewing a quilt for the Belly~Dweller.....

About 8 months ago, we bought a little Cavalier Puppy. He drives us insane... chews everything, barks at everything. But he is such a patient loving little soul at the same time. Finally after 8 months he is finally going to his bed on command at night time, and sleeping through the night :P He was like having a baby around. So much so that DH would sit up with him O nights, and transfer him to his bed after he was asleep lol.

He is always getting into mischief. A few weeks ago I came home from dropping DD at kindy to find a crazy dog careening around the house with his head firmly wedged in a box of liver treats... Not just a little box, mind you. A family sized pack. He had eaten the whole box full! And then couldn't remove the box from his head lol.... I laughed so hard I thought I was going to burst!

As you can see from the photo's, he was mighty pleased with himself! He recovered unscathed, although he didn't fancy any dinner that night :P We love having his comical little body around the house, even when he drives us crazy!

lol... very sporadic blogger am I!

So much has happened since my last post.... after loosing it in my gp's office over our fertility woe's in November and finally being referred to a fertility specialist in early December we found I am suffering from Polycystic Ovary Disorder. Which was basically stopping me from ovulating. Which is why I was not falling pregnant. One visit was all it took to find that out.... after 2.5 years of heartache, we finally had a reason and an answer. The relief was unbelievable. I walked out of that office with such a weight lifted from my shoulders. We had a plan of attack, I was to start on clomid to stimulate ovulation next cycle. Little did I know, a small person had already decided to make their very timely entrance into our lives.... 2 weeks after our appointment I was still waiting for my cycle to begin. I was feeling a little off.... nothing horrendous, just a few small food aversions and a little twinge in my back that wasn't usually there when I wear my girl on my back in our wraps. I tested. I got a negative. My cycle still had not arrived 2 days later.... still feeling not quite right, I tested again. Again it was negative. I was so upset. If my period was going to go missing in action for a couple of months for no good reason I was just going to loose it.... finally we knew what was wrong, and I was eager to start the clomid and our journey towards our next beloved child. Finally on Sunday, still late, I finally got the faintest BFP. I stood in the shower, under the water, shaking. And cried. Please, please let this be a positive positive and not a false positive.... I got out of the shower and sat on the bed in shock. I just kept looking at the test with tears in my eye's. It was too good to be true.... and it was just so faint. I woke DH so he could look at it too. He, too, could see the very faint line. I tested again the following day, the following day produced the same result. So I went to the pharmacy and bought a digital test. PREGNANT!

Morning sickness kicked in around 6-7 weeks. It knocked me for 6. But I was thankful every day. The days where I felt well where troubling. I preferred to feel sick, if I felt sick, I felt he was safe. My first craving was for cranberry juice with a squeeze of lime. I craved potato's. And asparagus with butter and lime juice. Bacon and egg muffins. And Macca's pancakes, weetbix and tons of milk, just like I did when I was pregnant with our daughter. I craved beer, and burgers and sausage rolls. My aversion to sugar last pregnancy had me convinced that the baby we lost was a boy. And that I was carrying a girl this time. I was so convinced! And then at the 19 week scan, the sonographer thought it was a girl too, until she was sure it was a boy lol.... a gorgeous little boy. It felt weird for a couple of days, not in a bad way though lol. Just because I was so sure he was a she. The weirdness has well and truly worn off now though heh heh. I just can't wait to meet him, to learn all about him, to cuddle and snuggle him. We have waited so long for this new little person.

Now I sit here, 22 weeks pregnant, feeling my little man roll around inside of me. It still seems to surreal.... after all this time, it still feels like it is all in my head. But his knock-knocking is telling me otherwise. He is getting bigger and stronger every day. I cannot wait to meet him :) Every little movement I feel makes me smile, even the kicks in the ribs I am already receiving lol.

Last Tuesday, DD & DH both felt him kick for the first time :) Such a special morning, they where both rapt! He also kicked DD in the bottom while I was spooning her lol.... sibling rivalry from the womb!

Yesterday, while DD was at Kindy, I lay on the lounge, and for the first time with this pregnancy I watched my belly wobble and roll as our little guy moved about :) I lay on the lounge talking to him and watching for as long as he went :) I love being pregnant! It is so cool.... worth all the faintness and blergh-ness to feel that special little person growing and rolling about within. I love going to bed at night and feeling him snuggle down with me. I love the waiting... only another 18 or so weeks to go now. He will be here before we know it!

In another 18 weeks I will have to share myself between 2 children.... I have made a promise to myself today to make the most of these remaining weeks with our daughter and make every moment count. To do something special, just the 2 of us, once a week, which we can hopefully pick up again after the baby is here. And to take time to create some special rituals between us that we can carry on after her little brother arrives.

I can see our little girl is excited but trepidatious over the imminent arrival of her baby brother. She has wanted a baby brother or sister for so long, but now it is definitely happening you can see her wondering how this is going to change things. She will have had us to herself for almost 5 years. The thought of sharing, which comes so naturally to her with her generous spirit, is still worrying her I can see. But at the same time she smiles, and talks about how excited she is about seeing her baby brother born, and how she can't wait to meet him. She kisses my belly, and talks to him. She wants for him to know her little voice. She waits patiently, her small hand on my growing belly, for another kick. She wants me to read her "Hello Baby" for the millionth time and asks a million more questions lol... I know she is going to be a wonderful big sister in spite of her small worries which no doubt seem so big to her. This little boy could not have asked for a better big sister. He is a lucky lucky boy :)

We where fortunate to get our sweet girl into Kindy this year, in preparation for prep next year. I had not intended for her to go to Kindy until at least mid year, but with all the morning sickness I thought it might do her some good to get out and about with other children as I was not up to my usual standard of DD entertainment. We where so lucky to get her a place. I was worried that she wouldn't like it, she has never been in any sort of care. But apparently we timed it well, as she has slipped into Kindy life without a backwards glance. Not one tear. Not even a frown. She has loved it from the first day! The kindy runs on regular school hours, and has school holidays too, which is fantastic. I have never been a fan of the idea of long hour daycares, and especially not of sending children to daycares without any sort of breaks in between. By the easter holidays she needed a break badly. Playbased learning, which was another of my prerequisites. Healthy lunchbox policy is a bonus too :) Nice to be able to send healthy lunches without looking like the random hippie :P

Our little guy is kicking again. Apparently I have been sitting here too long lol.... goodnight all :)